Cultural/Language Lesson (From myself to myself three years ago...)

Three summers ago I was borrowing books from the local library about Japan and Japanese culture. I had already studied a bit about Japanese customs before living there as a student, but I wanted to make sure that I knew as much as possible before working there on the JET Program. Even though I had lived there, being a student and being an employee are like entering two different worlds. I wanted to learn a little more about the business side of Japan, and borrowed the book Japanese Cultural Encounters by Hiroko Kataoka.

As I was going through old blog entries, I found the following information tucked away. I had drafted it, intending to post it - yet time moved along and there it stayed.

Although I'm no longer living in Japan, I still find a lot of the quotes below useful, and decided to post this (3 years late). For those of you on the JET Program now, I hope that you will be able to find these notes useful.


-"Many Japanese people do not consider such questions overly personal. They do not expect precise answers, either."

-"'Secretaries' in Japan are different from those in the United States. More like executive administrative assistants, they have fairly responsible and well-paying jobs in large companies. The term 'secretary' is a mistranslation."

-"Bob made an excuse and failed to apologize. Apologies are very important in Japan."

-"Jeff should not have written on the meishi or put them in his back pocket."

-"Because they were drinking alcoholic beverages, Leo should have held his glass when someone else poured for him, and he should have poured the other person's drink in return. Pouring your own drink is not appropriate in such social drinking sessions, either."

-"This is a way of being humble. The Japanese use the word tsumaranai to let the recipient know that the giver is not conceited about the gift; hitotsu does not indicate the number of items in the box but simply means "just a little bit."

-"In Japan, one is expected to apologize and visit the victim of an accident, even if one is not at fault, to show his or her sincerity. In fact, one is expected to apologize whenever the other party involved suffers in any way, materially or emotionally."

-"When Japanese people ask 'Dochira e?' they are not expecting to hear where you are going. They are simply acknowledging your presence, and sometimes they tell you that you look very nice (therefore, you must be going somewhere) by this greeting phrase. It is similar to "How are you?" in English in that it does not expect an explanation. The most appropriate reply to 'Dochira e?' is 'Chotto soko made' ('Just down the way.')"

-"It is Japanese custom to remove one's coat before entering someone else's home, even if just for a minute. Removing one's coat does not imply that the guest intends to stay."

-"Although company staff meetings in Japan can include lively discussion, group involvement in projects typically requires lots of consensus-building before formal decisions are made. One is expected to figure out that a "pointless question" or silence means reservations or disagreement. Sometimes a lone dissenter is ignored because he or she has not made the effort to get constructive criticism from workmates before formal statements are made; group approval is often secured by more informal maneuvering prior to the meeting. This process is called nemawashi, and important skill in Japanese society."

-"Traditional art lessons in Japan often take the form described here. The teacher shows an example, and the students follow the example. Students are to copy the teacher until they master fundamental forms and methods. Individuality and creativity are supposed to come only after one has mastered the basics."

-"In Japan, seeing people off is almost a ritual. You are expected to wait until the guests (or whomever you're seeing off) are out of sight; while you wait, you either wave good-bye or bow."

-"When someone you know has lost a close relative, you say the folowing set phrase in a low and unclear voice; 'Kono tabi wa doomo goshuushoo sama deshita' ('My condolences to you for your recent loss')."

-"_te kudasaimasen ka? _te itadakemasenka?"

-"...they do give gifts twice a year (once in August and once in December), called ochuugen and oseibo respectively, to those who have been helpful to them during the year such as teachers, superiors, and doctor. Gift items selected are often rather practical items, like food staples, seasoning, or soap. Those gifts are seldom opened in front of the giver, but are opened after they leave... personal gifts, such as Christmas gifts and birthday gifts, ...are opened immediately."

-"The sound of the kanji character for "death" has the same sound as the character for 'four.' The Japanese avoid giving four of anything."

-"shinnen omedetoo or akemashite omedetoo"

-"The expression... gokuroosama deshita, is usually used by a superior to an inferior when the former thanks the latter (normally when the inferior has done what was expected)."

-"You can tell such bouquets apart from others because they are made to be seen only from one angle (shaped flat) and they always have green, hard leaves in the back. If you see a lotus bud or pod, you can almost always be assured that the bouquet is for a Buddhist altar."

- Expect to pay cash as a wedding gift. Do not give 400 yen as a sum. Make it 300 or 500.

- L

What you wish you knew in your 20s...

Based on my personality type, I'm the kind of individual who wants to know everything in advance, and make as few mistakes as possible. At times I overwhelm myself with "what's the right way" or "what's the best way," and I know that I sometimes need to take a step back and breathe.

When I was going through a particularly uncertain stage (mostly regarding job hunting and trying to figure out my career path...), I asked an assortment of people, mostly women, what they wish they had known in their twenties. There are books on the subject, such as Seelig's, What I Wish I Knew When I Was 20, but I didn't find it to be all that informative. I wanted to know what specific women would tell me directly - women I knew and that knew me. Their advice may be unique to their experience, but I thought it might be useful to post here anyway.

To protect the interviewee's opinions, I am keeping everyone's advice anonymous.

If you have any advice to add, please feel free to mention it in the comment section below!

What I asked these women was, "What advice would you give to a daughter (if you had one) in her twenties? What do you wish you had known then that you know now?"

"There are three kinds of men (whatever the man's sexuality might be): 1) men who love women 2) men who hate women, and 3) men who are afraid of women. If you want a healthy, lasting relationship, never go for the guy who hates women; you can't win. You might (or might not) be able to help a guy who's afraid of women -- but a guy who loves women gives you the best odds for the best relationship. A good way to tell a man who loves women? Look at his relationship with his mom and his sisters; if he's loving and respectful to them, communicates well with them, those are good odds for your relationship. Also look for a guy who has women FRIENDS -- not ex-lovers they are friendly with, but women they have non-sexual friendships with, a guy who has female buddies. A guy who can't have women friends either hates or is afraid of women."

"Self-confidence is a critical part of success in life. Those who grow up with it have a big advantage. If you didn't develop it growing up, work on it in yourself."

"Persistence really is one of the keys to success and achieving what you want."

"YOU ARE YOUR FRIENDS, so choose them wisely."

"What I finally figured out by the end of my 20s and has remained paramount to me in life, is 'To thine own self be true.'"

"When I look back to my 20s I'd say be aware of how people older than you are on their own journey of learning about themselves. Try to prepare yourself to deal with their mistakes. Respond with moderation and choose timing carefully."

"When you start a new job, face your fears, don't just socialize with those you like. Build the bridges around yourself early. Expect to use a strategy to build relationships and be ready and willing to offer solutions, not just gossip. Do little things to develop the relationships around you in order for them to have to hear you out. Get advice." 

"I'm thinking of a boss I had who was 10 years older than me at the time, and a difficult coworker who was 10 years older than the boss. The young boss didn't understand how to manage or lead. The coworker trusted me but didn't respect my inexperience. It is easy to be manipulated or taken advantage of when you are young and often find it hard to speak up. In my opinion, it is important to find your voice."

"Kids are never planned yet are always a pure blessing. Even when one thinks, "How will I financially take care of her/him?"there is always a way as everything happens for a reason. When one thinks they aren't ready to have kids, they often find out along the journey that they are a better parent than they thought they'd be.

Here are some other articles for your reading pleasure on the subject:

(Articles for men also.)

Thought Catalog - John Howell
The Frisky - Amy Angelowicz
Huff Post Women - Sara Lind
Mind Body Green - Jackie Knechtel
Girls Guide To - Brette Borow
Forbes - Todd Wilms
Ezine Articles - Karim Hachani
Marc & Angel Hack Life
Girls Guide To - Tessa McLean
TED - Meg Jay
Esquire - Kareem Abdul-Jabbar

A book that I have on my list of future reads is The Defining Decade by Meg Jay (mentioned above as a Ted Talk speaker). If anyone has read this already and could let me know if it's worth the time, I'd love to hear from you!

- L

Attempting Fashion

I recently just bought two pieces to add to my fall wardrobe, but I could use some advice on how to wear them well. Here are the two items below. Do you have any advice on items or accessories that would work with them?

Please paste comments and photos or links in the space below!


1)

By idea2wear on etsy
http://www.etsy.com/listing/160327412/asymmetrical-layered-top-wrap-sweatshirt?ref=shop_home_active

2)

By hierapparel on etsy
http://www.etsy.com/listing/109992302/exo-high-waist-knit-pencil-skirt-black?ref=listing-shop-header-0

@LKConsultants - Roland Kelts

This is great. I was mentioned directly in a tweet by Roland Kelts, an author, journalist, and JET Alumni.

Thank you Roland!

MT @JETwit: If you've finished JET and are leaving Japan, see what Lana Kitcher @LKConsultants has to say. http://t.co/4Yb00dXIyq
— Roland Kelts (@rolandkelts) July 31, 2013

JETwit article: Kitcher’s Café #002: Staying Connected

Article originally written for JETwit.com on August 30th, 2013. Official URL at: http://jetwit.com/wordpress/2013/08/30/kitchers-cafe-002-staying-connected/

Kitcher’s Café, a new series by Lana Kitcher (Yamanashi-ken, 2010-12) is an assortment of articles, topics and commentary written for the JET Alumni community. Lana currently serves as the Business Development Associate at Bridges to Japan, a New York-based cross-cultural consulting firm founded by JET alum Jennifer Jakubowski (Hokkaido, 1995-97). 

Although it has been a full year since my return, I continue to enjoy sharing stories and experiences with my friends from and in Japan. Recently, one of my old colleagues from Yamanashi visited New York for the first time and contacted me through facebook to meet up. I took her and her travel partner to "Penelope," a small restaurant on E 30th and Lexington Ave in New York. I was pleasantly surprised to see facebook photos of them going there for breakfast every day thereafter for the duration of their trip. It was a great and satisfying feeling to make these arrangements with her and be able to see the results.

As you are settling into a familiar state, maybe even feeling like your time in Japan was actually all a dream – you may wonder how it might be possible to keep up with your friends and colleagues that you met while in Japan. Thanks to social media, staying in touch has never been easier.

Sites like facebook and twitter, as well as new apps and technology such as Line or Skype, are perfect for keeping in touch with friends and maintaining connections over long distances. One site to consider is "Mixi," a Japanese networking site similar to "MySpace." According to The Japan Times Life section, Yahoo! Japan/Kakao Talk, Comm, Gree, and Mobage are also popular and commonly used in Japan. Although LinkedIn is not widely known in there yet, it is another option when trying to keep in touch with your professional contacts from abroad.

Along with social media networking, I would recommend keeping a list of names, e-mail addresses, phone numbers, and how you are connected to each person (in case you start to forget), and make an effort to occasionally reach out to the amazing people that you met along the way. You never know – perhaps you will need a recommendation for your Masters or PhD program. Maybe someone will be visiting your region and will want to reach out to you. It is even possible that someday you’ll go back to Japan to visit and want to reconnect with the individuals that made your time there special.

Another form of communication that many underutilize (in my opinion) is "snail-mail." Why not consider sending letters back and forth to Japan, making it a special activity? Mark Vanhoenacker recently wrote an excellent article in The New York Times OpEd section, making many points I agreed with about the value in writing letters by hand entitled “Dear Emma." Personally, I have had pen pals off and on since elementary school, the old fashioned way, and continue to value this method of communication highly over using computers. "A pen pal was a window into the world's endless collisions of similarity and difference," Vanhoenacker states. "Some things remain more valuable simply because they are hard to do... When I received a letter I would treasure it for hours, waiting for the right moment on the porch or by the fireplace to unseal what had traveled across seas, the Pacific, a week, or more of my life."

In addition to agreeing with Vanhoenacker’s argument, here are a few extra points for letter writing:

Why I Love Snail Mail

1) I adore stationery, especially the kind available in Japan. Luckily I can still get my fix at Kinokuniya, a Japanese bookstore.

2) The act of writing soothes me, and it feels like a special activity. I turn on some mood music, light a candle or two and make it a quiet time for reflection. My work requires me to be online and at the computer for most of the day, and getting away from that is a welcome change of pace.

3) Letters take time to be delivered. We live in an “instant gratification” era, but this can put us on overload. When I send letters to Japan, I enjoy the time between sending the letter and waiting for a response. For me, that beats sending and receiving hundreds of texts, e-mails, tweets, messages, pokes, tags, AGH!

4) I love opening the mailbox and there it is… a letter! Not a bill, not some junk mail, but a letter. And it’s addressed to me! I'm always so excited to go to the mailbox, an action that many only think about when they're expecting birthday checks or a shipment from Amazon.

5) I get to practice my seldom-used penmanship, and feel as though I'm offered a window into the other person's personality through theirs as well.

6) Sometimes a trip to the nearest postbox is a good reason/excuse to get out of the house and take a walk.

7) Although stamps are becoming more expensive, I still enjoy choosing the different kinds and seeing the new designs. Plus, stamps don't become collectible/valuable until they've been postmarked.

8) It's more personal than an e-mail. The person on the other end spent time, thought, and energy to write to me and I appreciate that. I know I have a good relationship with the people I write with, and that it will be a long-lasting one.

9) Although the government has the right to read material of question that goes through the mail, it still feels more private and intimate. If my letter gets hacked (aka opened), I won't lose my address book or passwords.

10) I feel like a completely real, open, and better version of myself when I write by hand. The words are a direct connection from my brain through my body, printed onto a physical piece of paper. I've noticed myself saying things that are out of character with technology because it doesn't feel real and I rush the interaction. Writing forces us to take off the mask and be who we are.

What ways have you found to stay in touch with your friends in Japan? What do you like or dislike about writing letters? Please feel free to share your questions, comments, opinions and experiences with readers in the comment section below.

JETWit.com Kitcher’s Café #001: What we wish we had known – but now they can!

Kitcher’s Café is expanding! I'm now writing a section with the same name on JETWit.com. View my first post at the link, or by continuing below.

Original post from JETWit.com - July 25, 2013
"Kitcher’s Café #001: What we wish we had known – but now they can!"

Kitcher’s Café, a new series by Lana Kitcher (Yamanashi-ken, 2010-12) is an assortment of articles, topics and commentary written for the JET Alumni community. Lana currently serves as the Business Development Associate at Bridges to Japan, a New York-based cross-cultural consulting firm founded by JET alumJennifer Jakubowski (Hokkaido, 1995-97).

As I sat in my empty Yamanashi apartment, one year ago this month, a flood of feelings rushed over me. I had come full-circle, able to cram everything into two suitcases again with anxious yet excited feelings of leaving home for something unfamiliar. I had a bundle of memorabilia set aside to take with me, and pictures of the last days that I had with my students, coworkers and friends. I knew it was going to be hard to say goodbye and turn the page to the next exciting chapter of my life, but I didn’t think that it was going to feel so daunting. This was the first time in my life that the next steps were utterly unplanned and unpredictable. After high school I knew I was going to college, during college I knew I wanted to work for the JET Program… but now that the JET Program was over, the next year was a completely blank slate. I was going to have to return to my hometown temporarily to figure it out, and that idea to me was terrifying.

As many of us have experienced, returning to your home country after any amount of time living abroad is more challenging than it may seem at first. They try to warn us about reverse culture shock, but we convince ourselves that “I will be different,” and “It won’t happen to me, I already know what to expect.” Some people really don’t experience any strange or frustrating feelings when returning home, but for individuals like myself, the first year back may be a challenging and rocky road.Many of the JETs that are in Japan right now are clearing out their desks, packing up their apartments, attending farewell parties, and being brought to tears by the students and coworkers that shared many moments with them this past year (or five). Where once was an unfamiliar, foreign and strange place, has become normal life. Do they realize that many of them are about to leave Japan, bound for an even stranger land – the one that they once called home?

As JET alumni, what do you wish someone had told you during your final days in Japan? What are some of the words of wisdom that you wish you had known before coming back? How can we help these transitioning JET participants, soon to join the alumni community? My advice to them would be this:

Try not to have unrealistically high expectations of how awesome going home will be, and don’t give up on yourself when things get tough. There may be challenges like living with family members, trying to find a job, readjusting to the foods and customs of your culture, but take them in doses and remember to step back and breathe when things might start to feel frustrating.

Also, the job market may still be a little more complicated than you are expecting. For many, the traditional ways of finding a job are now becoming the least successful. If you’ve spent weeks looking for jobs online and haven’t had any luck, start branching out. Talk to everyone you know and tell them your situation. Use networking groups, meetups, LinkedIn, and informational interviews. Meeting people in person and talking to those already in your networks is likely going to be your key into your next position. Also consider picking up a copy of What Color Is Your Parachute by Richard Nelson Bolles at your local library. When I was actively seeking help and networking in my community, this was the number one resource that my friends recommended. It gave me some practical statistical information to help me understand my odds of getting a job by applying online, and helped me think of new ways to approach the job market.

What kind of advice do you wish you had heard as you were finishing up the JET Program? Leave your comments in the space below, and give the new returnees a leg up as their tenure as an active JET Program participant comes to a close.

You can find out more about Reverse Culture Shock by reading Surviving in Japan: 10 Ways To Prepare For Reverse Culture Shock And Leaving Japan by Ashley Thompson (Shizuoka-ken, 2008-10), Community Manager for Nihongo Master and editor of Surviving in Japan.

-L