When I was going through a particularly uncertain stage (mostly regarding job hunting and trying to figure out my career path...), I asked an assortment of people, mostly women, what they wish they had known in their twenties. There are books on the subject, such as Seelig's, What I Wish I Knew When I Was 20, but I didn't find it to be all that informative. I wanted to know what specific women would tell me directly - women I knew and that knew me. Their advice may be unique to their experience, but I thought it might be useful to post here anyway.
To protect the interviewee's opinions, I am keeping everyone's advice anonymous.
If you have any advice to add, please feel free to mention it in the comment section below!
What I asked these women was, "What advice would you give to a daughter (if you had one) in her twenties? What do you wish you had known then that you know now?"
"There are three kinds of men (whatever the man's sexuality might be): 1) men who love women 2) men who hate women, and 3) men who are afraid of women. If you want a healthy, lasting relationship, never go for the guy who hates women; you can't win. You might (or might not) be able to help a guy who's afraid of women -- but a guy who loves women gives you the best odds for the best relationship. A good way to tell a man who loves women? Look at his relationship with his mom and his sisters; if he's loving and respectful to them, communicates well with them, those are good odds for your relationship. Also look for a guy who has women FRIENDS -- not ex-lovers they are friendly with, but women they have non-sexual friendships with, a guy who has female buddies. A guy who can't have women friends either hates or is afraid of women."
"Self-confidence is a critical part of success in life. Those who grow up with it have a big advantage. If you didn't develop it growing up, work on it in yourself."
"Persistence really is one of the keys to success and achieving what you want."
"YOU ARE YOUR FRIENDS, so choose them wisely."
"What I finally figured out by the end of my 20s and has remained paramount to me in life, is 'To thine own self be true.'"
"When I look back to my 20s I'd say be aware of how people older than you are on their own journey of learning about themselves. Try to prepare yourself to deal with their mistakes. Respond with moderation and choose timing carefully."
"When you start a new job, face your fears, don't just socialize with those you like. Build the bridges around yourself early. Expect to use a strategy to build relationships and be ready and willing to offer solutions, not just gossip. Do little things to develop the relationships around you in order for them to have to hear you out. Get advice."
"I'm thinking of a boss I had who was 10 years older than me at the time, and a difficult coworker who was 10 years older than the boss. The young boss didn't understand how to manage or lead. The coworker trusted me but didn't respect my inexperience. It is easy to be manipulated or taken advantage of when you are young and often find it hard to speak up. In my opinion, it is important to find your voice."
"Kids are never planned yet are always a pure blessing. Even when one thinks, "How will I financially take care of her/him?"there is always a way as everything happens for a reason. When one thinks they aren't ready to have kids, they often find out along the journey that they are a better parent than they thought they'd be.
Here are some other articles for your reading pleasure on the subject:
(Articles for men also.)
"Self-confidence is a critical part of success in life. Those who grow up with it have a big advantage. If you didn't develop it growing up, work on it in yourself."
"Persistence really is one of the keys to success and achieving what you want."
"YOU ARE YOUR FRIENDS, so choose them wisely."
"What I finally figured out by the end of my 20s and has remained paramount to me in life, is 'To thine own self be true.'"
"When I look back to my 20s I'd say be aware of how people older than you are on their own journey of learning about themselves. Try to prepare yourself to deal with their mistakes. Respond with moderation and choose timing carefully."
"When you start a new job, face your fears, don't just socialize with those you like. Build the bridges around yourself early. Expect to use a strategy to build relationships and be ready and willing to offer solutions, not just gossip. Do little things to develop the relationships around you in order for them to have to hear you out. Get advice."
"I'm thinking of a boss I had who was 10 years older than me at the time, and a difficult coworker who was 10 years older than the boss. The young boss didn't understand how to manage or lead. The coworker trusted me but didn't respect my inexperience. It is easy to be manipulated or taken advantage of when you are young and often find it hard to speak up. In my opinion, it is important to find your voice."
"Kids are never planned yet are always a pure blessing. Even when one thinks, "How will I financially take care of her/him?"there is always a way as everything happens for a reason. When one thinks they aren't ready to have kids, they often find out along the journey that they are a better parent than they thought they'd be.
Here are some other articles for your reading pleasure on the subject:
(Articles for men also.)
Thought Catalog - John Howell
The Frisky - Amy Angelowicz
Huff Post Women - Sara Lind
Mind Body Green - Jackie Knechtel
Girls Guide To - Brette Borow
Forbes - Todd Wilms
Ezine Articles - Karim Hachani
Marc & Angel Hack Life
Girls Guide To - Tessa McLean
TED - Meg Jay
Esquire - Kareem Abdul-Jabbar
A book that I have on my list of future reads is The Defining Decade by Meg Jay (mentioned above as a Ted Talk speaker). If anyone has read this already and could let me know if it's worth the time, I'd love to hear from you!
- L
