Pulling me here and pulling me there.

Sakura, さくら、桜

The Japan chapter of my life winds down, and my stomach churns as my emotions fluctuate from day to day.  One day I count down how many days left on my calendar until I hop on the plane at Narita and return to NY.  The next day I walk around my apartment, feeling nostalgic for something that's not even gone yet.  When I think about never living in Japan long-term again and saying goodbye to all of my students and friends here, a stinging feeling wells up in my eyes.  But then I think about everything I've missed for two years back home, and I get jittery with excitement to return and start the next phase.

I realize that these swinging emotions are natural, and that I'm certainly not the first or last person to feel torn between my new home and my old one.  Deep down I know that going back to the US, pursuing the next step in my career, and being closer to friends and family are what I want in the next step of my life.  But despite knowing what I want, how do I effectively cope with these kinds of changes, and embrace the conflicting emotions?

I expect the first 6 months or so in America to be difficult.  I won't have a place to call my own, no steady income, a feeling of lack of independence, and unfamiliar culture and customs around me.  I ask friends and family to please be patient with me during this period.  Things in the US have probably changed while I was away that I know nothing about, and I may have changed more than I realized too.  The way I speak is without a New York accent (for the time being at least), and I accidentally pick up my bowls when I eat.  Hopefully we can discuss these differences, and share our experiences from the past two years in stories and pictures.

I can't wait to see you all soon!  The page turns, one chapter ends and the next begins!

See you in just over a month.

Lana

PS. After I returned home from Japan in University, I stopped writing in my livejournal blog since my adventure in Japan was over.  This year I'd like to continue writing in my blog in hopes that I can continue to reach out to people in some way.  I haven't decided what I'll write about then, but I think I'll figure all that out as it comes.  I look forward to writing , and I hope you're there to join me in the next chapter as well!