Who is "me?"

My apologies to everyone, I have nothing new or interesting to write.

It has been quite hot recently.  I've gone from saying "It's this hot and it's only June!" to, "Well, I guess this is July weather after all."

Tomorrow is the 4th of July and it almost passed by me unnoticed.  I was invited to a barbecue today last minute, but I already had it set in my mind that I would be lazy for the day and didn't feel like going two towns over to sit in a hot park and eat BBQ food with a bunch of people I didn't know.  I've gotten socially lazy as a 23 year old!  Happy Fourth of July to all of you celebrating it in America!  I hope you have a nice Monday off too.  I'll be teaching English to a bunch of 12-15 year-old temperamental teenagers.  Actually, when you're celebrating the 4th I'll be asleep in my bed going into the 5th.

My mind is all over the place these days.  One minute I want one thing, and the next minute I want the opposite.  For example, I think I want to be more sociable, and then I want to be more alone.  I want to enjoy my time in Japan, but I came to Japan again to learn Japanese so I want to study Japanese!  These conflicting thoughts and priorities are hard for me to figure out.  Some days I really want to go home to NY and feel like my self again, and then I think, but I'm being myself now!  What's the rush to get out of Japan?

I'm currently working on studying for the JLPT, Japanese Language Proficiency Test, GRE, Graduate Records Examination, working a full-time job, and doing other things that I enjoy like reading and spending time with friends occasionally.  I'm going through a - what's the point of life? - and - how do I live my life to the fullest? - phase.  I know as much as, life the way I want to live it is living it to the fullest, but what if I don't believe myself just yet?  How do I want to live it?  What do I want to do?  Where do I want to go?  Who do I want to be?

I think that's all the questions I can handle for now.  If you have any inciteful advice, please feel free to share it.

With love,

Lana